#2 Keeping it a secret and the first trimester.

So, the family know but before I knew it those tell tell pregnancy symptoms kicked.

• Aches and pains - check!
• Fatigue - check!
• Nausea - CHECK!
• Vomiting - Check (but thankfully, only a few times).

So firstly, the aches and pains. I was a bit of an avid gym goer pre-pregnancy and would go to the gym every lunchtime, Monday through to Friday. I told myself that I would continue to exercise throughout pregnancy, “it’s good for me and for the baby” but as the weeks went on it became increasingly difficult. It started with joint pain, strangely most prominently in my wrists. Then moved onto my knees and shoulders. And finally, I felt like I was made of lead. Everything was so heavy and tiring.

Fatigue, the next biggie. I mentioned before that this was one of the first symptoms I encountered and it got an awful lot worse. By midday I was F#@king exhausted. I could have slept at my desk, getting through to 5.30pm was a huge struggle. Before pregnancy I would have reached for a cuppa as and when needed so the lack of caffeine definitely had an impact. I would come home from work and slump on the sofa. Because of this my diet really took a hit the first few months. I wanted quick and easy dinners with minimal tidying after. I’d be sound asleep by 9pm and sleep the entire night through (which was a first in many many years)! No matter how much rest I had, what I ate, nothing helped. Thankfully, somehow I had a tonne of annual leave to take before the year was up, so I started doing shorter weeks here and there. This really did save me! I’d take a Friday or Wednesday off and just chill. PJs, films and snoozing were my favourite pastimes, let's be honest they still are!

Nausea… JESUS! THIS WAS THE WORST! Each morning I’d wake up and within 15 minutes I felt sick. Bearing mind it was October, I would have the window open first thing huffing the fresh air every few minutes hoping not to vomit. Eating first thing became impossible and ginger did not help. On a particularly bad day, Lee went food shopping while I snoozed. He came back with every ginger product the store sold. We are talking ginger snaps, fresh ginger, ginger tea, the whole shabang. I of course cried, he was very cute! Side note, I did learn not to put ginger biscuits in the tin with other biscuits, everyone will take on a ginger tang. Livid! Being around certain smells at this time was also a nightmare. Anything with a strong odour really upped that vommy feeling. Perfume was a no go, Lee’s aftershave, people eating eggs at their desks and weirdly cooked mushrooms. YUCK, YUCK, YUCK! Thankfully this eventually passed with the exception of mushrooms. This aversion is still going strong.

Finally, vomiting. I must say I was totally blessed and this only happened a handful of times. Almost everyday I’d run to the bathroom thinking I was about to hurl but thankfully most times didn’t. If I had this, with all my other symptoms there is no way I could have hidden my pregnancy for the first few months. Shout to anyone that has/had this!

One thing I personally noticed during this time was subtle changes in my body. I have always been really aware of my overall wellbeing. I'm quick to tell if I feel funky or unwell, if something is up or if I have gained a few pounds. Lee lovingly (or mockingly) describes me as a delicate flower. These first few months were a real struggle, physically and mentally. Coming to terms with the lack of control over how you feel and what you look like was really difficult. I have suffered with relatively bad anxiety over the years and having control of as much of my life and my body as possible was my weapon in the daily battle. Letting this go and understanding I can’t control as much as I once could has, in my opinion, been one of the hardest things. There are still days when I look in the mirror or stare into my wardrobe wishing I could throw anything on, but I know this is a part of much bigger adventure and the end destination will be amazing.