#7 Fears and excitement
As I write this post I have 7 days until my due date and some of my antenatal classmates have gone into labour. Not long left to go! As such I wanted to look back over my pregnancy and talk about what I've loved and hated but also what I'm nervous and excited about.
Anxiety
Anxiety is something I have struggled with over the past few years. It has been both livable and on occasion catastrophic.
The general uncertainty of day to day pregnancy combined with our scare during the second trimester has, every now and then, pushed my coping techniques to the limit.
Previously, exercise was my go to technique for bad days but with my blood pressure being phenomenally low I haven't been able to work out for some time. I'm desperate to get moving again once the baby is here and I'm back on my feet.
Lack of movement and self-reliance
Gosh, who knew I was so stubborn when it comes to maintaining my independence. I'm still so adamant that I can “do it myself”. I'm still attempting to pick stuff up off the floor, still cooking, cleaning and walking to town. Sounds good in theory but I must be honest, every time I push myself a bit too far and suffer the consequences the next day.
Getting off our super soft and comfy sofa is starting to be a real issue, especially at the end of the day. I may occasionally (every time) ask Lee to help me up.
One thing I am super proud of is that somehow, a couple of weeks ago, I managed to paint my toenails! Don't get me wrong, it took ages but I did it!
Body confidence
This falls under something I've both loved and hated.
On bad days I hated the lack of control I've had over my changing body. To see everything expand and change without my input has at times been difficult but on the flip side the freedom and relief pregnancy has given me about how I look is amazing.
Diet
I've always been relatively strict when it comes to my diet. By no means would I cut out all the yummy naughty stuff but I would definitely limit my intake. I was also a bit of a calorie counter.
Being pregnant has given me far more freedom when it comes to food (with the exception of all the yummy stuff I want but can't have, mainly sushi!). If I want a biscuit, I'll have one. Screw it, I'll have two! I do wonder if I'll struggle to get my diet back on track once the baby is here and things have settled but for now, pass the cake!
So what about things to come…
The flat being untidy!
Is this my number one fear, no but it is something I think about regularly. I'm going to be so busy with the baby for the first few weeks (maybe more). How hideous will my house become!?
I can handle a little mess but I have also been known to freak the f*@k out when the house has gotten really bad. Washing up left for days or crap left on the floor, my goodness I will kick off.
Everyone has said I won't notice the mess once the baby is here, and I'll get use to it but I'm just not sure. I must be honest, I'm stressing about it just imagining it now!
Becoming a mother
There are a list of questions that run through my head on a daily basis.
Will I know what I'm doing? Will I crumble under the stress of it all? What if I can't cope? What's it going to feel like to be a mother?
I've been told this is completely normal for first time mums and hopefully once she's here all these questions will fade away.
Support
This mainly relates to if I'll get enough or the right support.
Living in Brighton means I'm far from all my family back home in Wiltshire. And although they are at the end of the phone I wonder if it might be nice to have them closer at such a life changing time. To pop round and watch that baby while I finally wash my hair, or provide their wisdom and experience.
I've thankfully met a great gang of girls from attending NCT antenatal classes. It's great to have a group going through the same thing, at the same time. The group chat is currently a flutter with new babies and labour updates.
Side note to friends and family. If you're coming over to visit once the baby has arrived you must bring food or booze.
Sleeping on my back
I've missed laying on my back. Queue inappropriate jokes! You're not supposed to lay on your back for too long once you reach a certain size as the baby's weight will press on a vein and stops blood flow to your head and also to themselves. Unfortunately with such low blood pressure I've experienced this A LOT! Every scan and midwife appointment, I lay back on the couch and within a minute my ears are ringing and I'm seeing stars!
Pre-pregnancy I always slept on either my front or back, sleeping on my side has been hell. The hip pain is awful. I reckon I wake up at least 5 times a night in pain from laying on my side. And rolling over is, well, let's just say it isn't elegant.
Eating sushi
I love sushi! It's one of my favourite meals along with pizza and nachos. YUM!
Lee and I found the yummiest fusion sushi last year at a food festival called Tropical Sushi. It's amazing! And since being pregnant they have opened a restaurant close to our home. I'm desperate to try it again. In fact I've asked if I can have it delivered to the hospital once she's born, apparently you can!
Meeting our daughter
Finally, of course I'm excited to meet our baby girl for so many reasons. Including to see what she looks like.
For people that don't know, when it comes to appearances Lee and I are pretty different. Lee is 6ft 3, I'm only 5ft 3. Lee is maltese and therefore has very dark hair and olive skin, I do not. In fact I'm very fair with blonde hair. Our skin is different, Lee's oily and I'm very dry. I'm so excited to see what she's taken from each of us.
Along a similar vein of thought I can't wait to see her personality develop. Will she be a fidget like Lee or enjoy chilling out like me. Will she have Lee's tongue in cheek, pushing boundaries sense of humour or will she be slightly more reserved. I'm so excited to see her develop into her own person.
Finally, I know Lee also has excitement and fears about our daughter being born too. However he mainly wants to teach her to drum and become the best female drummer of all time!
Let the countdown begin!
