#5 Our poorly baby
Around Christmas time we had our 20 weeks scan. As always I was anxious to ensure everything was OK. Once again the baby was facing the wrong way. So I spent the first 5 minutes wiggling and jumping around to get the baby to change position and move.
All seemed OK and we found out we were having a girl! However the sonographer did tell us that the baby was measuring a little small but reassured us this could be because I’m quite a small person. To be safe we were booked in for an additional scan in a months time.
Christmas came and went and we went back to the hospital for a check up, we were told the same thing, “she’s small but it could be nothing”. Yet after this appointment we were told we would need to see the consultant to check the baby over in more depth. I immediately felt awful, panicked, I didn’t know what to do or feel. The very next day I was contacted by the hospital and had an appointment with the consultant the following day.
The morning of the consultant appointment was very much like everyday. I got up went to work and around midday we headed to the hospital. Nervously we waited to meet the consultant.
During the appointment we had a brief chat about our health, lifestyle and family history, then a very in depth scan of the baby. This lasted around an hour and was really quite uncomfortable. In order to get clear images of the baby the consultant had to press down on my stomach with quite a lot of force. Further to this, I suffer with VERY low blood pressure and laying on my back for more than a few minutes would result in me passing out therefore every few minutes I had to stop and change position.
After the hour long scan the consultant entered the measurements into her computer and ran through the results with us. This is where everything becomes a complete blur. Our daughter could be poorly, to what extent they didn't know. Not only was she small but she wasn’t growing symmetrically. Her stomach was perfectly average however her arms, legs and head circumference all fell well under the average for her gestation age (within bottom 3 percentile). From this point onwards I remember very little, I think I was concentrating on not bursting into tears. Phrases such as infection, chromosome disorder and amniocentesis were thrown out there however the one that hit me like a bus was when the consultant said that worse case scenario they would need to stop her heart and I still have to birth her. I’m sure you can imagine this was the most frightening thing anyone has ever said to me. I was immediately sent for blood tests to check for any kind of infection and booked in for a follow up appointment in around a months time. We had to wait this long for a couple of different reasons, they wanted to see her growth but she was also too weak to have any further tests.
This was the worst month a think I have ever experienced. For the first two days I cried constantly, I felt so guilty, like it was my fault. I spoke to no one but Lee for at least three days. Eventually I returned to work on light duties as I could barely speak to my colleagues let alone clients. Many people would have dealt with this time differently but for me going into work and being around friends was the best thing. Talking about the weather or dinner allowed my mind to regain some normality through those weeks. I also found it useful to talk to others who had been through similar experiences. Lots of mums to be will have the baby centre app downloaded to track their babies growth and keep up to date which vegetable their baby is the same size or length as (yup, it’s a thing) however I stumbled across their community tab and posted on it. Within minutes I had heard from at least 5 different people who had or who were going through the same thing and the support of these stranger seemed to lift my spirits.
The next scan eventually came around, it must have been around February time. We waited to see the consultant for around an hour. Poor Lee probably lost all feeling in his hand as I squeezed it unbelievably tight for that entire time. Once with the consultant we jumped straight into the scan, again it took quite some time and was somewhat uncomfortable. The consultant then entered the new measurements into the system however this time it was much better news!! Our daughter’s body had evened out, all limbs back in the average ranges. She was still small but everything was looking far more positive. We were told I would still need to be monitored going forward however the chances of her being unwell had dramatically dropped.
Everyone has said once or twice in their life “a weight had been lifted” including me however until now I had never felt it physically. We walked out of the hospital and I felt as light as a feather, everything felt better. It was time to finally start shopping for our little girl.
Since this time I have had two additional scans and my last one scheduled for this week. I still get incredibly anxious before every scan but it is wonderful to get to see my little lady dance around every time.
